My teacher said " give me red pen of any colour"
and he also said " there will be a pop quiz on Monday"
how is the quiz supposed to surprise us when we already know that its on Monday???

"you people are all savages"
"Your brains are in the gutter, SFB!"
"STFU"
"Have you ever had brain surgery done on you with a golf club?"
"If i see math again, you're gonna be using it for toilet paper for a week."

Teacher: Hedonism is pretty much the YOLO of the sixties...like Austin Powers...Hey babe wanna shag?

Teacher: ...Yeah and my cat's breath smells like cat food.

Teacher: You guys haven't done your homework in weeks it makes me want to slit my wrists. *insert gesture here*

Student: Why would someone want 17 virgins when they die?
Teacher: Well, would you like a new car or a used car?

Student: Your chair has a face.
Teacher: No it HAD a face, a quite pretty one too.


(Maybe I just have weird teachers)

physics teacher : "looks like we got one SPICYYYYYY question here. It's a bit nasty. Good luck."
Geography teacher: "See, once i was in New York city with my wife for New Years and you know time square gets packed. As a man we have very little tolerance or ability to keep our urine inside of us when we need to go. As a result of not being able to go out, my bladder partially exploded. The lesson is, don't go to New York."
advanced functions teacher: "we have many things to look forward to in the coming weeks. HASHTAG EXCITEMENT!"

Grade 12 Physics teacher: "I know that it's Formal tonight, so this is why I gave you a Gizmo for homework. The Gizmo goes over everything that will covered in class tomorrow. If you do the Gizmo and you still don't understand it then you better get your hung-over a** to class tomorrow."

Grade 10 Math teacher: "Don't make fun of my writing. I'm planning on selling it to Microsoft one day and it will be called the Burtonian Script" my teacher's last name was Burton.

My math teacher said at the beginning of the semester, " welcome to data management, and leave your hopes and dreams outside the door".

Student: You talk too fast.
Teacher: No, you listen too slowly.
He's an awesome teacher though.

Grade 11u math teacher says on the first day of class: "This course is like a roller coaster! All. Down. Hill."
He also said, "Fractions are your friends! Half of the time!" :)

My music teacher says a lot of crazy stuff. I've been keeping track for a bit over a year, and have over 200 quotes from him. Here are some of his best lines. They don't quite make enough sense without being in context, but they're still great. It's his last year teaching, so it'll be sad to have him leave. . .

"I'm going to go stand at the door and smack you all as you walk by."

"It's like you're holding your boyfriend/girlfriend in your arm, then you burp/fart."

"You got your underwear on the line and there are streaks in it."

"Like a buffet desert tray – it's got to sound like THAT."

"Sounded like you were trying to squeeze pus out of your big toe."

"You've got to squeeze both sets [of cheeks]."

"Get in the moment; put aside that you're not wearing matching socks or if that thing on your leg is going to grow bigger and ooze."

"It's like a dog. It takes a crap, then looks at it and says, “I'm so proud of myself!” "

"Air support is like being constipated and sitting on the toilet."

"You have no lungs you say? Well, borrow someone else's."

"It's like someone hit you in the head with a nail, and you enjoyed it."

"Everyone needs a hammer to hit themselves in the head."

"Go home, take a staple gun, staple this music to your head, and go to sleep."

"This is supposed to sounds like fine wine, you're playing it like diet coke."

"Tell your fingers to shut up."

"If you don't get this, I'm going to press this button, and the floor will go out from under you, and you will all fall into a pit."

"If it isn't good I am going to start pulling out finger nails."

“A dog howling and a cat farting is more musical than what they play on the radio nowadays.”

“I’ve heard people play this with their armpits and it sounds much more musical.”

"You’re just like a cat...you die many times over.”

“Don’t breathe after ever staccato. You’ll hyperventilate and pass out...which might be fun to watch...but then you’ll hurt your instrument. You know where my concern lies.”

“You don’t have to play the repeats...unless you want to play it bad twice. It’s like a replay of you smacking your face against the wall.”

Calculus and Functions teacher's quotes of the year

"books away"

"you can all work in groups of one"

"there are two types of people, those who understand binary and those who don't"

"common everyone, this is easy.... easy for me"

"ok everyone, now come and give me the D"

["So sir, what do you think about york university?" (me)
"You know I come from hong kong?" (sir)
"Yeah sir and me too" (me)
"Some york grads said that they make a computer program that is unhackable for a bank, after one week, the bank lost millions of dollars" (sir)
"So? What are you trying to say?" (me)
"eehehheheheh york grads don't get jobs"(sir)]